How I wish

It took me a while until I eventually write here.

There are many things going around me n my beloved husband, being in opposite nature in almost every case.

At the beginning of our marriage I expect my husbnd to be of everything I wish of an ideal person. I didn't think that he was optimum as a person and therefore I set him an etremely high standard.

The thing about setting a standard; when they don't meet your standard you gotta do something about it and get upset if then next and next and next effort still fail.

And that's what happened to me.

I often got upset or extremely disappointed over him.

Life goes and I suffer too many disappointments although I must say he's made tromendous changes from how he was earlier..it just didn't seem 'perfect' enough. Then, after many things and many changes mostly from his side, I realised that he's an individual.

An individual who was brought up in a way I wasn't, an individual who lead a life that wasn't mine, an individual who met people other than me. Then I stop the standards.

After the standards stop I try hard not to ask him to fulfil my standards. but the expectations continues.

Today I cried because I couldn't ask him to fulfil my standard of spending a perfect Ramadhan. I couldn't ask him, so I cried. I cried and I prayed, and I hope, and I pray some more, that if God do bless me with heaven, I won't spend it with him outside. Cause I can't stand even imagining him in the slightest uncomfort let alone pain.

I hope with a serious prayer, sets of tilawah, effort to memorise Qur'an and major sodaqah, God will make him a better person by His standard. Amien.

I Luv U, Ay